Marriage Of One

December 29, 2015

Accommodation: Compromise Without Promise

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 11:31 pm
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I’ve stopped regular updates to this website as you can tell.

Since my last post some years ago, much has changed, and by the same token, some things have stayed the same and I didn’t want to keep repeating the same stuff again and again so I stopped writing.  But enough has changed now to add something to this story.

The first thing that has changed is that my parents are no longer living with us.  The second thing is that Susan made one huge compromise to her hitherto unwavering position (no pun intended) on sex.

Both of these changes stemmed from a huge and traumatic event that took place just over two years ago.

(more…)

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August 16, 2009

The Elephant in the Room

Filed under: love,marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 11:08 pm
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In one of my recent posts I pointed out that the one thing I have remaining is to “take care of myself”.  This is not as selfish or narcissistic as it might appear: I have children I want to watch grow and I have to remain fit and mentally and emotionally ‘useful’ to them.  Finally, if I can find hapiness within my own life outside of my marriage – perhaps, just perhaps – as a byproduct of that – my wife might find a renewed interest in me and what I have to offer her.  At the very least it will bolster the friendship angle of our relationship as that is pretty much all we have left.

So here goes and I’ll try to make this entry brief even though it actually needs to cover a fair bit. (more…)

August 6, 2009

The Writing on the Wall

Filed under: marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 11:03 pm
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Over the last few months I’ve come to the conclusion that Susan is asexual.

I can’t prove it.  I’m not a therapist, psychologist or doctor.  But all the evidence I have points to that.  If she is not asexual then it would suggest that she is maliciously tearing the fabric of our marriage.  How else can you explain her inaction? (more…)

July 16, 2009

The End Of The Road Part 2

Filed under: marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 3:55 pm
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It has been a long while but this is the first time I have been able to devote any length of time to writing about what has happened.  This entry has been put together over a few weeks actually.

A few days after Susan broke the astonishing news that she was quitting therapy, she said she wanted to talk.  We sat on the bed, she had surrounded herself with a few of the sex manuals she had bought for our wedding night nearly 9 years ago.  She wanted to get right to talking about restarting our sex-life. Her method was to use the books and pick things to try out from them (not right away of course).

I wasn’t impressed.  I needed answers.  Although the decision to get help was hers, I felt that the least she could have done is asked me before she had terminated her sessions with Marcia.  Especially as she had pretty much involved me along the way.  So my first question was why she had done that. (more…)

June 18, 2009

The End of the Road Part 1

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 8:09 am
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This needs to be a long and detailed entry. Unfortunately I am absolutely snowed under with work at present so I’ll share the details in a few days hopefully. I may even have a bit more information then.

A few days ago Susan went for her fortnightly counselling session with Marcia. We couldn’t talk through the day and last thing at night she chose to speak about it – after I asked.

What she said made my stomach turn. She is quitting her sessions with Marcia. I asked why. She said she “couldn’t see what she could do for [her]”. I was stunned really. So I asked “Well, what was your expectation from her?”

And I couldn’t get a straight answer. Susan’s confusion over her sexuality and expectations just didn’t allow her to say anything except sentences prefixed or suffixed with “I don’t know”.

I’m trying to understand, I said to her, why after months of waiting for these sessions you chose to end them after just 3 sessions.

I still am. To my mind (although this is of course ‘hearsay’) Marcia’s approach may be somewhat to blame. As I say, more detail to come.

March 4, 2009

First Date

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 10:25 pm
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I’ve just come back from a ‘date’.  It is the first one in many many months.  What with work and the kids and putting them to bed and then arranging baby-sitting we have both been neglecting this for quite a while.

So this weekend I primed my parents for a once-a-week baby sitting session to allow Susan and I to go out for a coffee or dessert after the children are in bed.

We used to go out together (although not every week) a couple of years ago.  It didn’t make any difference to our sex life but we did occasionally talk about it.  Usually we talked about the children, or other family or social matters.  Basically we talked.

Nowadays we barely talk. And that has alarmed me.

My relationship from Susan you have probably realised has drifted away from a husband-wife one to one purely based on the partnership of running the house and a close friendship bonded by the task of raising our children.  Basically, our kids keep us together. (more…)

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