Marriage Of One

July 8, 2011

Circles of the mind

Filed under: relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 10:36 pm
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About a week after the conversation described in my last post, Susan decided she wanted to have sex.  It was around 3 months since the last sexual encounter but possibly more than a year since we last had ‘proper’ sex.  As always she manipulated the event and it was even more awkward than usual.  But she appears to have enjoyed it, although again as usual there was no mention of it before, during or after the event.  So I can’t be absolutely sure.

But as she sank down onto her pillow again she sighed “I have been so stupid”. (more…)

June 19, 2011

Cards on the table

Filed under: love,marriage — marriageofone @ 9:47 pm

A day or so after my last post I decided to try my luck to find out what was going on.  I didn’t do it out of any real expectation, and fully expected a furious backlash.  I sent a text message: “Can you tell me why you aren’t speaking to me.  I don’t know what I have/haven’t done.”

It took two days to get a response.  At breakfast before the kids came down she gave me a long hug and said she had been feeling sad.  Well that’s no news really but I tried to show a bit of surprise and concern: why, Iasked?

“I can’t talk about it now,” she said. “I know you (meaning me) are unhappy too.” (more…)

June 12, 2011

The best things in life are free

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 9:17 pm
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She hasn’t said more than a handful of words to me for around 4 or 5 days. Why? I honestly don’t know for sure. But I can guess.

We haven’t had a row. She’s had an altercation with my mum and to be honest, Susan was in the right (again). I even said as much when she told me after I came back from work, although my parents haven’t taken Susan’s outburst (the exact detail is once again irrelevant) too well and she’s not really speaking to them either. But at some point after she told me about the problem,  she stopped talking to me.

(more…)

May 14, 2011

Different, but the same

Filed under: intimacy,love,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 4:52 pm

I recently got directed through social media to an article on the British Daily Mail website.  The link was posted by a woman, and the article header was I felt instantly biased: insensitive stereotypical man ignores emotional and intimate needs of wife.   Nevertheless I read through it and it did open my eyes – a little at first then somemore.

I’ve become ever more convinced that Susan is asexual and I am wondering if that conclusion now hinders my understanding of her.  Everything she does or doesn’t do now appears to be an indication and often a further confirmation of her asexuality.  So I keep an eye out for articles such as this, on one hand hoping for further clarification of the [unqualified] diagnosis I have made, or for a new potential solution which will make everything okay and bring my marriage back from the precipice.

This article was of the former type.  It gave asexuality a new name or at least a new dimension.  And although I dug a bit further after reading the article it all came down to the same thing: if it is to get better, I need Susan to take ownership – proper ownership – of the problem and I need her to actively work towards the solution.  And that is something I don’t have. (more…)

February 27, 2011

The End of the Beginning

Filed under: marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 10:41 pm
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The day had to come.

Any day now, and I can’t be too sure about when exactly we’ll reach the 6 month mark of the ‘drought’.

To be honest it has crept up on me.  Sure I miss having a sex life, but you get used to missing it, if you know what I mean and you just accept it and time moves on and on and on. (more…)

January 26, 2011

Conversation Of One

Filed under: relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 11:32 pm
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I have conversations with Susan all the time.  Sometimes we talk about things that concern our marriage all the time, approaching the issues again and again from different angles, trying desperately to gain a new tack to try to improve our lives, a new realisation or perspective that will bring about a sea-change in our prospects.
The trouble is that these conversations are all in my head. (more…)

November 4, 2010

Of Monkeys and Men

Filed under: marriage — marriageofone @ 10:58 pm
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You wait ages for a post and then two come along at once!

Whenever I write for this website I’m reminded of a fable from India that I read when I was a little boy.

The story is of a young boy who worked for a strict uncle who was a rice merchant.   (more…)

Thinking time

Filed under: sex — marriageofone @ 10:42 pm
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It’s been a while since my last post.  There have been two reasons for this.  The first is that nothing particularly unusual or notable has happened.

The second is that I have been thinking.  The last post was followed by a comment by ToppHogg that I should enlist the services of a therapist to help me navigate the choppy waters of my sexless marriage, not to save my marriage per se, but to help me manage my relationship with Susan in a different way. (more…)

August 8, 2010

The Cost of Sexlessness

Filed under: intimacy,marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 9:57 pm
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This post may come across as a pointless and laborious post-mortem of a trivial marital row.  I’ve decided to risk writing about it because to me at least it illustrates something that I think my marriage in particular is susceptible to, more so as the years roll by.

On a recent trip Susan and an old girl friend had words.  This friend I might say by way of introduction is generally a kind and generous person and Susan and her grew up together and have continued their friendship into married life and motherhood.  The problem is that she (that is Susan’s friend) can be quite sharp with her tongue sometimes.  So usually we make our trips short and not too frequent.  Everyone who knows Gemma takes it as part of her personality.  Eventually she apologizes or makes up for it.  Until she does it again.

(more…)

July 26, 2010

Half a dozen options

Filed under: intimacy,sex — marriageofone @ 10:41 pm
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A few nights ago I visited Greta Christina’s blog as I do every so often.  I came across her response to a blog post by Dan Savage (whom I had never hitherto heard of) regarding options surrounding couples with mismatched libido.
I suggest you read Dan’s post and then Greta’s before continuing. (more…)
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