Marriage Of One

June 14, 2013

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right, Usually

Filed under: infidelity,intimacy,marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 8:48 pm

The strapline of this website is”Marriage without compromise”. In case I have not mentioned it clearly enough it carries two meanings.

The first and most obvious in the context of the majority of the subject matter is of course the evident fact that my wife Susan can not, will not or is unable to compromise sexually or in intimate aspects of our marriage.  The second is my idealistic take nearly 6 years ago that I would not, in the face of this situation compromise on what I felt were core principles of marriage and my upholding of those principles.  In short I would not seek sexual gratification elsewhere (at least not with a ‘real’ woman, no affairs, no lies.  In short no cheating.  The other principle was that I would not treat Susan as she treated me – so I would not throw a sexual advance back in her face as she would mine.  I would be there for her even if she wasn’t for me.  (A cynic might advance the theory that I’m just taking what I can get in those circumstances – and they would have been right at least sometimes.  I can promise you though that when sex is rationed like it is for me, there is little to no pleasure in picking up the crumbs dropped from the table.  Once you’re at 3, 4, or 5 sex acts per year you may as well be at zero.) (more…)

October 7, 2012

The Everlasting Condom Reader Challenge

Filed under: sex — marriageofone @ 10:00 pm
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Hello all, I’m not going to go on about how things are in this post: it is just more of the same as our sex-life (I should say Susan’s really because it’s got nothing to do with me) has returned firmly to the once-per-quarter-if-we’re-lucky state.

I recently threw out an empty box of condoms.  Not news for most couples presumably but the interesting subject here is when the box was bought: June 2008.  There were 12 condoms in the box, and I threw it out just a few months ago.  So 12 condoms over just over 4 years: you do the math as they say. (more…)

July 8, 2011

Circles of the mind

Filed under: relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 10:36 pm
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About a week after the conversation described in my last post, Susan decided she wanted to have sex.  It was around 3 months since the last sexual encounter but possibly more than a year since we last had ‘proper’ sex.  As always she manipulated the event and it was even more awkward than usual.  But she appears to have enjoyed it, although again as usual there was no mention of it before, during or after the event.  So I can’t be absolutely sure.

But as she sank down onto her pillow again she sighed “I have been so stupid”. (more…)

May 14, 2011

Different, but the same

Filed under: intimacy,love,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 4:52 pm

I recently got directed through social media to an article on the British Daily Mail website.  The link was posted by a woman, and the article header was I felt instantly biased: insensitive stereotypical man ignores emotional and intimate needs of wife.   Nevertheless I read through it and it did open my eyes – a little at first then somemore.

I’ve become ever more convinced that Susan is asexual and I am wondering if that conclusion now hinders my understanding of her.  Everything she does or doesn’t do now appears to be an indication and often a further confirmation of her asexuality.  So I keep an eye out for articles such as this, on one hand hoping for further clarification of the [unqualified] diagnosis I have made, or for a new potential solution which will make everything okay and bring my marriage back from the precipice.

This article was of the former type.  It gave asexuality a new name or at least a new dimension.  And although I dug a bit further after reading the article it all came down to the same thing: if it is to get better, I need Susan to take ownership – proper ownership – of the problem and I need her to actively work towards the solution.  And that is something I don’t have. (more…)

February 27, 2011

The End of the Beginning

Filed under: marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 10:41 pm
Tags: ,

The day had to come.

Any day now, and I can’t be too sure about when exactly we’ll reach the 6 month mark of the ‘drought’.

To be honest it has crept up on me.  Sure I miss having a sex life, but you get used to missing it, if you know what I mean and you just accept it and time moves on and on and on. (more…)

January 26, 2011

Conversation Of One

Filed under: relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 11:32 pm
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I have conversations with Susan all the time.  Sometimes we talk about things that concern our marriage all the time, approaching the issues again and again from different angles, trying desperately to gain a new tack to try to improve our lives, a new realisation or perspective that will bring about a sea-change in our prospects.
The trouble is that these conversations are all in my head. (more…)

November 4, 2010

Thinking time

Filed under: sex — marriageofone @ 10:42 pm
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It’s been a while since my last post.  There have been two reasons for this.  The first is that nothing particularly unusual or notable has happened.

The second is that I have been thinking.  The last post was followed by a comment by ToppHogg that I should enlist the services of a therapist to help me navigate the choppy waters of my sexless marriage, not to save my marriage per se, but to help me manage my relationship with Susan in a different way. (more…)

August 8, 2010

The Cost of Sexlessness

Filed under: intimacy,marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 9:57 pm
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This post may come across as a pointless and laborious post-mortem of a trivial marital row.  I’ve decided to risk writing about it because to me at least it illustrates something that I think my marriage in particular is susceptible to, more so as the years roll by.

On a recent trip Susan and an old girl friend had words.  This friend I might say by way of introduction is generally a kind and generous person and Susan and her grew up together and have continued their friendship into married life and motherhood.  The problem is that she (that is Susan’s friend) can be quite sharp with her tongue sometimes.  So usually we make our trips short and not too frequent.  Everyone who knows Gemma takes it as part of her personality.  Eventually she apologizes or makes up for it.  Until she does it again.

(more…)

July 26, 2010

Half a dozen options

Filed under: intimacy,sex — marriageofone @ 10:41 pm
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A few nights ago I visited Greta Christina’s blog as I do every so often.  I came across her response to a blog post by Dan Savage (whom I had never hitherto heard of) regarding options surrounding couples with mismatched libido.
I suggest you read Dan’s post and then Greta’s before continuing. (more…)

April 5, 2010

‘Expert’ Advice

Filed under: love,marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 11:06 pm
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I have to say I smiled just a bit when I read ToppHoggs comment on my last posting…that I had started to ‘blog … as an expert’ on this type of life.  I don’t think I’ve yet been called an expert on, well anything!  Yet I would gladly pass on the privilage of being an expert on this one thing.  Were it up to me. (more…)
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