Marriage Of One

December 29, 2015

Accommodation: Compromise Without Promise

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 11:31 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I’ve stopped regular updates to this website as you can tell.

Since my last post some years ago, much has changed, and by the same token, some things have stayed the same and I didn’t want to keep repeating the same stuff again and again so I stopped writing.  But enough has changed now to add something to this story.

The first thing that has changed is that my parents are no longer living with us.  The second thing is that Susan made one huge compromise to her hitherto unwavering position (no pun intended) on sex.

Both of these changes stemmed from a huge and traumatic event that took place just over two years ago.

(more…)

Advertisements

February 18, 2014

Disintegration and being an asshole

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 8:36 pm

We’ve hit what may be bottom.  We, by that I mean I, spent years trying to engineer our life, lifestyle and family setting so that Susan could get the ‘space’ she wanted, the ‘time’ she needed to ‘grow’.  For us to ‘grow together’.  At every stage I failed. (more…)

November 6, 2013

Disintegration Part 2: The Waiting Game

Filed under: lifestyle,marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 8:33 pm

Shortly after I wrote the draft for Part 1, things took a turn for the worse.  After having barely spoken to my folks for several weeks, Susan confronted Mum in the kitchen and effectively claimed her “space”.  (more…)

Disintegration Part 1: Everything IS Linked

Filed under: lifestyle,marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 8:25 pm

The proverbial shit really has hit the fan.  The camel’s back has been broken.

Life or existence as I normally refer to it, has plodded along predictably enough for the past several months.  I’ve not posted anything new because nothing new has happened.  There has been a mild upswing in sexual activity this year – (5 times so far this year compared to 3 or 4 times per year in previous years!) but that is not what this post is about. (more…)

June 14, 2013

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right, Usually

Filed under: infidelity,intimacy,marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 8:48 pm

The strapline of this website is”Marriage without compromise”. In case I have not mentioned it clearly enough it carries two meanings.

The first and most obvious in the context of the majority of the subject matter is of course the evident fact that my wife Susan can not, will not or is unable to compromise sexually or in intimate aspects of our marriage.  The second is my idealistic take nearly 6 years ago that I would not, in the face of this situation compromise on what I felt were core principles of marriage and my upholding of those principles.  In short I would not seek sexual gratification elsewhere (at least not with a ‘real’ woman, no affairs, no lies.  In short no cheating.  The other principle was that I would not treat Susan as she treated me – so I would not throw a sexual advance back in her face as she would mine.  I would be there for her even if she wasn’t for me.  (A cynic might advance the theory that I’m just taking what I can get in those circumstances – and they would have been right at least sometimes.  I can promise you though that when sex is rationed like it is for me, there is little to no pleasure in picking up the crumbs dropped from the table.  Once you’re at 3, 4, or 5 sex acts per year you may as well be at zero.) (more…)

July 8, 2011

Circles of the mind

Filed under: relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 10:36 pm
Tags:

About a week after the conversation described in my last post, Susan decided she wanted to have sex.  It was around 3 months since the last sexual encounter but possibly more than a year since we last had ‘proper’ sex.  As always she manipulated the event and it was even more awkward than usual.  But she appears to have enjoyed it, although again as usual there was no mention of it before, during or after the event.  So I can’t be absolutely sure.

But as she sank down onto her pillow again she sighed “I have been so stupid”. (more…)

June 12, 2011

The best things in life are free

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 9:17 pm
Tags: , ,

She hasn’t said more than a handful of words to me for around 4 or 5 days. Why? I honestly don’t know for sure. But I can guess.

We haven’t had a row. She’s had an altercation with my mum and to be honest, Susan was in the right (again). I even said as much when she told me after I came back from work, although my parents haven’t taken Susan’s outburst (the exact detail is once again irrelevant) too well and she’s not really speaking to them either. But at some point after she told me about the problem,  she stopped talking to me.

(more…)

May 14, 2011

Different, but the same

Filed under: intimacy,love,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 4:52 pm

I recently got directed through social media to an article on the British Daily Mail website.  The link was posted by a woman, and the article header was I felt instantly biased: insensitive stereotypical man ignores emotional and intimate needs of wife.   Nevertheless I read through it and it did open my eyes – a little at first then somemore.

I’ve become ever more convinced that Susan is asexual and I am wondering if that conclusion now hinders my understanding of her.  Everything she does or doesn’t do now appears to be an indication and often a further confirmation of her asexuality.  So I keep an eye out for articles such as this, on one hand hoping for further clarification of the [unqualified] diagnosis I have made, or for a new potential solution which will make everything okay and bring my marriage back from the precipice.

This article was of the former type.  It gave asexuality a new name or at least a new dimension.  And although I dug a bit further after reading the article it all came down to the same thing: if it is to get better, I need Susan to take ownership – proper ownership – of the problem and I need her to actively work towards the solution.  And that is something I don’t have. (more…)

January 26, 2011

Conversation Of One

Filed under: relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 11:32 pm
Tags:

I have conversations with Susan all the time.  Sometimes we talk about things that concern our marriage all the time, approaching the issues again and again from different angles, trying desperately to gain a new tack to try to improve our lives, a new realisation or perspective that will bring about a sea-change in our prospects.
The trouble is that these conversations are all in my head. (more…)

July 4, 2010

A Tale of Two Susans

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 9:42 pm

I’m going to tell you about Susan.  And Susan.

I’ll dive right into the relationship and sex aspect first.

True to form Susan waited 2 weeks before she decided that it was time to have sex under our new roof.  That made it about 2 months since her previous effort.  I wasn’t surprised or deflated – it was just what I expected and how I expected it to be.

The surprise was when barely 3 weeks later she initiated yet again. (more…)

Next Page »

Blog at WordPress.com.