Marriage Of One

August 25, 2016

I’ll have The Usual

Filed under: marriage — marriageofone @ 10:06 pm

At around the time we decided to have a ‘scheduled’ sex life we found – mutually – that we still needed time for intimate and deep conversation.  So we fixed an evening once a week specifically for chatting.  Of course, we could have a chat any other time too, but this one was dedicated time.  Our Chat Night.

The purpose for this was to encourage both of us to open up, air anything uncomfortable, plan our next sexual encounter or just talk about ourselves and our feelings.  It was feedback on the sex and it was supposed to ‘close the circle’.  I.e. have sex, talk, bond, better understanding of each other, which leads to a better relationship which leads to better sex, which leads to more openness and better talks which leads to…. you get the idea. (more…)

December 29, 2015

Accommodation: Compromise Without Promise

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 11:31 pm
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I’ve stopped regular updates to this website as you can tell.

Since my last post some years ago, much has changed, and by the same token, some things have stayed the same and I didn’t want to keep repeating the same stuff again and again so I stopped writing.  But enough has changed now to add something to this story.

The first thing that has changed is that my parents are no longer living with us.  The second thing is that Susan made one huge compromise to her hitherto unwavering position (no pun intended) on sex.

Both of these changes stemmed from a huge and traumatic event that took place just over two years ago.

(more…)

February 18, 2014

Disintegration and being an asshole

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 8:36 pm

We’ve hit what may be bottom.  We, by that I mean I, spent years trying to engineer our life, lifestyle and family setting so that Susan could get the ‘space’ she wanted, the ‘time’ she needed to ‘grow’.  For us to ‘grow together’.  At every stage I failed. (more…)

November 6, 2013

Disintegration Part 2: The Waiting Game

Filed under: lifestyle,marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 8:33 pm

Shortly after I wrote the draft for Part 1, things took a turn for the worse.  After having barely spoken to my folks for several weeks, Susan confronted Mum in the kitchen and effectively claimed her “space”.  (more…)

Disintegration Part 1: Everything IS Linked

Filed under: lifestyle,marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 8:25 pm

The proverbial shit really has hit the fan.  The camel’s back has been broken.

Life or existence as I normally refer to it, has plodded along predictably enough for the past several months.  I’ve not posted anything new because nothing new has happened.  There has been a mild upswing in sexual activity this year – (5 times so far this year compared to 3 or 4 times per year in previous years!) but that is not what this post is about. (more…)

June 14, 2013

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right, Usually

Filed under: infidelity,intimacy,marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 8:48 pm

The strapline of this website is”Marriage without compromise”. In case I have not mentioned it clearly enough it carries two meanings.

The first and most obvious in the context of the majority of the subject matter is of course the evident fact that my wife Susan can not, will not or is unable to compromise sexually or in intimate aspects of our marriage.  The second is my idealistic take nearly 6 years ago that I would not, in the face of this situation compromise on what I felt were core principles of marriage and my upholding of those principles.  In short I would not seek sexual gratification elsewhere (at least not with a ‘real’ woman, no affairs, no lies.  In short no cheating.  The other principle was that I would not treat Susan as she treated me – so I would not throw a sexual advance back in her face as she would mine.  I would be there for her even if she wasn’t for me.  (A cynic might advance the theory that I’m just taking what I can get in those circumstances – and they would have been right at least sometimes.  I can promise you though that when sex is rationed like it is for me, there is little to no pleasure in picking up the crumbs dropped from the table.  Once you’re at 3, 4, or 5 sex acts per year you may as well be at zero.) (more…)

November 18, 2011

The Confession

Filed under: infidelity,intimacy,love,marriage — marriageofone @ 1:39 pm

This is going to be tough entry and I apologise if I appear to ramble. I’m on a business trip for the first time in quite a while.  In fact it’s the first time I’ve been out since the kids were born.

I don’t want to beat about the bush.  The last thing I did was pop the few remaining condoms I have into my suitcase.  Why? (more…)

October 23, 2011

The Onion

Filed under: marriage — marriageofone @ 9:46 pm
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Over the years I have come to find that trying to understand Susan is a bit like peeling back the layers of an onion.  For everything that you understand or you think you understand there is still another layer beneath to stump you.

The only difference is that this onion no longer makes me shed any tears.  Although I wish it did.  I sometimes just wish I could let go…and cry.  There are days when I really feel as if I am walking about with a stone in my throat and a heavy mass  in my chest. (more…)

June 19, 2011

Cards on the table

Filed under: love,marriage — marriageofone @ 9:47 pm

A day or so after my last post I decided to try my luck to find out what was going on.  I didn’t do it out of any real expectation, and fully expected a furious backlash.  I sent a text message: “Can you tell me why you aren’t speaking to me.  I don’t know what I have/haven’t done.”

It took two days to get a response.  At breakfast before the kids came down she gave me a long hug and said she had been feeling sad.  Well that’s no news really but I tried to show a bit of surprise and concern: why, Iasked?

“I can’t talk about it now,” she said. “I know you (meaning me) are unhappy too.” (more…)

June 12, 2011

The best things in life are free

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 9:17 pm
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She hasn’t said more than a handful of words to me for around 4 or 5 days. Why? I honestly don’t know for sure. But I can guess.

We haven’t had a row. She’s had an altercation with my mum and to be honest, Susan was in the right (again). I even said as much when she told me after I came back from work, although my parents haven’t taken Susan’s outburst (the exact detail is once again irrelevant) too well and she’s not really speaking to them either. But at some point after she told me about the problem,  she stopped talking to me.

(more…)

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