Marriage Of One

November 18, 2011

The Confession

Filed under: infidelity,intimacy,love,marriage — marriageofone @ 1:39 pm

This is going to be tough entry and I apologise if I appear to ramble. I’m on a business trip for the first time in quite a while.  In fact it’s the first time I’ve been out since the kids were born.

I don’t want to beat about the bush.  The last thing I did was pop the few remaining condoms I have into my suitcase.  Why? (more…)

June 19, 2011

Cards on the table

Filed under: love,marriage — marriageofone @ 9:47 pm

A day or so after my last post I decided to try my luck to find out what was going on.  I didn’t do it out of any real expectation, and fully expected a furious backlash.  I sent a text message: “Can you tell me why you aren’t speaking to me.  I don’t know what I have/haven’t done.”

It took two days to get a response.  At breakfast before the kids came down she gave me a long hug and said she had been feeling sad.  Well that’s no news really but I tried to show a bit of surprise and concern: why, Iasked?

“I can’t talk about it now,” she said. “I know you (meaning me) are unhappy too.” (more…)

May 14, 2011

Different, but the same

Filed under: intimacy,love,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 4:52 pm

I recently got directed through social media to an article on the British Daily Mail website.  The link was posted by a woman, and the article header was I felt instantly biased: insensitive stereotypical man ignores emotional and intimate needs of wife.   Nevertheless I read through it and it did open my eyes – a little at first then somemore.

I’ve become ever more convinced that Susan is asexual and I am wondering if that conclusion now hinders my understanding of her.  Everything she does or doesn’t do now appears to be an indication and often a further confirmation of her asexuality.  So I keep an eye out for articles such as this, on one hand hoping for further clarification of the [unqualified] diagnosis I have made, or for a new potential solution which will make everything okay and bring my marriage back from the precipice.

This article was of the former type.  It gave asexuality a new name or at least a new dimension.  And although I dug a bit further after reading the article it all came down to the same thing: if it is to get better, I need Susan to take ownership – proper ownership – of the problem and I need her to actively work towards the solution.  And that is something I don’t have. (more…)

April 5, 2010

‘Expert’ Advice

Filed under: love,marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 11:06 pm
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I have to say I smiled just a bit when I read ToppHoggs comment on my last posting…that I had started to ‘blog … as an expert’ on this type of life.  I don’t think I’ve yet been called an expert on, well anything!  Yet I would gladly pass on the privilage of being an expert on this one thing.  Were it up to me. (more…)

March 4, 2010

Revealing my cards

Filed under: love,marriage — marriageofone @ 10:50 pm
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Things are starting now to finally come together regarding our relocation and hopefully in about 1 month or so we may be moving to our new home and to start a new(ish) life.

I’ve not been keeping too well recently so I’ve missed out an important event that took place about 1 week before Valentine’s Day.  You’ll remember (if you’ve read some of the older posts) that a key change that will accompany my relocation is a mental shift to take better care of myself, my mind, my emotions, my attitude, perspectives and personal outlook.

Some of these changes involve Susan to some degree, many do not.  Nevertheless I thought I owed it her to explain what the move meant to me, what it would mean to me going forward and what it might mean to us and indeed to her.

(more…)

January 29, 2010

2/14

Filed under: intimacy,love,romance,sex — marriageofone @ 10:31 pm
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Two days strike fear and despondency into me: Valentines Day and my wedding anniversary.  And the former is not far off.  Last week Susan brought it up completely out of the blue.

“What would you like to do for Valentines?”, she asked.

“I don’t know.”, I said.  Because I really didn’t.  I could think of a few things but what was the point?  In all respects it was a genuine and considerate question.  It’s just that in the overall context of the reality of our marriage a day celebrating romance and sex isn’t really pertinent.  It’s not like I can ‘spoil’ her with sexy underwear or nightwear or anything of that sort – I did in the early years of marriage and experienced what can only be described as a lukewarm response. You could of course take the day as a sort of universal day of platonic friendship like when kids make “You’re my best friend” or “Be my Valentine” greeting cards in primary school. (more…)

January 27, 2010

Recent musings

Filed under: intimacy,love,marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 9:15 pm

I’ve been pretty busy lately and in the last week have had a rather bad cold so haven’t been able to write for this site.

Nevertheless I have still been musing about possible posts although I haven’t been able to ‘flesh’ them out as it were. But I don’t think I’ll get the time in the next few days even so, here is what I have so far, and I’ll leave it to you to consider what might have been or may come later: (more…)

October 7, 2009

The Littlest Kiss

Filed under: love,marriage — marriageofone @ 7:55 pm
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A few days ago my youngest daughter finally learnt how to kiss.  The most gentle, wet and sloppy kiss with an exaggerated ‘mmwaa’ to accompany it.
And seeing the pleasure on her face as I glowed with pride was priceless.
Since then every morning and evening that must be the highlight of my day.  I hold her up and her warm little hands cup my face as she turns my head so she can lean onto my cheek.
Priceless.  This is what makes it worthwhile.
A few days ago my youngest daughter finally learnt how to kiss.  The most gentle, wet and sloppy kiss with an exaggerated ‘mm…waa!’ to accompany it.
And seeing the pleasure on her face as I glowed with pride was and remains, priceless.
Since then every morning and evening these have been the twin highlights of my day.  I hold her up and her warm little hands cup my face as she turns my head so she can lean onto my cheek.
This is what makes it worthwhile.

September 7, 2009

The Double-edged Sword

Filed under: love,marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 9:13 pm
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In recent weeks I have been delighted to find a community of eloquent and similarly affected (and disaffected) members of the public to me.

They are to be found at Live in a Sexless Marriage and Husband in a Sexless Marriage. My first reaction on finding and reading some of the accounts was one of supreme relief. For much of the time I have been writing this blog I have (apart from some comments) been pretty much finding my own way through the minefield of feelings and conflicting emotions. Now here is a large number of people in similar predicaments who have helpful and sometimes a humourous angle to the lives that we have before us. (more…)

August 16, 2009

The Elephant in the Room

Filed under: love,marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 11:08 pm
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In one of my recent posts I pointed out that the one thing I have remaining is to “take care of myself”.  This is not as selfish or narcissistic as it might appear: I have children I want to watch grow and I have to remain fit and mentally and emotionally ‘useful’ to them.  Finally, if I can find hapiness within my own life outside of my marriage – perhaps, just perhaps – as a byproduct of that – my wife might find a renewed interest in me and what I have to offer her.  At the very least it will bolster the friendship angle of our relationship as that is pretty much all we have left.

So here goes and I’ll try to make this entry brief even though it actually needs to cover a fair bit. (more…)

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