Marriage Of One

June 14, 2013

Two Wrongs Don’t Make A Right, Usually

Filed under: infidelity,intimacy,marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 8:48 pm

The strapline of this website is”Marriage without compromise”. In case I have not mentioned it clearly enough it carries two meanings.

The first and most obvious in the context of the majority of the subject matter is of course the evident fact that my wife Susan can not, will not or is unable to compromise sexually or in intimate aspects of our marriage.  The second is my idealistic take nearly 6 years ago that I would not, in the face of this situation compromise on what I felt were core principles of marriage and my upholding of those principles.  In short I would not seek sexual gratification elsewhere (at least not with a ‘real’ woman, no affairs, no lies.  In short no cheating.  The other principle was that I would not treat Susan as she treated me – so I would not throw a sexual advance back in her face as she would mine.  I would be there for her even if she wasn’t for me.  (A cynic might advance the theory that I’m just taking what I can get in those circumstances – and they would have been right at least sometimes.  I can promise you though that when sex is rationed like it is for me, there is little to no pleasure in picking up the crumbs dropped from the table.  Once you’re at 3, 4, or 5 sex acts per year you may as well be at zero.) (more…)

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November 18, 2011

The Confession

Filed under: infidelity,intimacy,love,marriage — marriageofone @ 1:39 pm

This is going to be tough entry and I apologise if I appear to ramble. I’m on a business trip for the first time in quite a while.  In fact it’s the first time I’ve been out since the kids were born.

I don’t want to beat about the bush.  The last thing I did was pop the few remaining condoms I have into my suitcase.  Why? (more…)

May 14, 2011

Different, but the same

Filed under: intimacy,love,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 4:52 pm

I recently got directed through social media to an article on the British Daily Mail website.  The link was posted by a woman, and the article header was I felt instantly biased: insensitive stereotypical man ignores emotional and intimate needs of wife.   Nevertheless I read through it and it did open my eyes – a little at first then somemore.

I’ve become ever more convinced that Susan is asexual and I am wondering if that conclusion now hinders my understanding of her.  Everything she does or doesn’t do now appears to be an indication and often a further confirmation of her asexuality.  So I keep an eye out for articles such as this, on one hand hoping for further clarification of the [unqualified] diagnosis I have made, or for a new potential solution which will make everything okay and bring my marriage back from the precipice.

This article was of the former type.  It gave asexuality a new name or at least a new dimension.  And although I dug a bit further after reading the article it all came down to the same thing: if it is to get better, I need Susan to take ownership – proper ownership – of the problem and I need her to actively work towards the solution.  And that is something I don’t have. (more…)

August 8, 2010

The Cost of Sexlessness

Filed under: intimacy,marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 9:57 pm
Tags: ,

This post may come across as a pointless and laborious post-mortem of a trivial marital row.  I’ve decided to risk writing about it because to me at least it illustrates something that I think my marriage in particular is susceptible to, more so as the years roll by.

On a recent trip Susan and an old girl friend had words.  This friend I might say by way of introduction is generally a kind and generous person and Susan and her grew up together and have continued their friendship into married life and motherhood.  The problem is that she (that is Susan’s friend) can be quite sharp with her tongue sometimes.  So usually we make our trips short and not too frequent.  Everyone who knows Gemma takes it as part of her personality.  Eventually she apologizes or makes up for it.  Until she does it again.

(more…)

July 26, 2010

Half a dozen options

Filed under: intimacy,sex — marriageofone @ 10:41 pm
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A few nights ago I visited Greta Christina’s blog as I do every so often.  I came across her response to a blog post by Dan Savage (whom I had never hitherto heard of) regarding options surrounding couples with mismatched libido.
I suggest you read Dan’s post and then Greta’s before continuing. (more…)

March 18, 2010

A glitch in the matrix?

Filed under: intimacy,sex — marriageofone @ 10:26 pm
Tags: ,

Last week Susan and I made love again – just about 3 weeks after the last time.

To any ordinary person that would sound like a long enough drought- for me this is like a monsoon!  I wasn’t expecting any ‘rainfall’ until at least mid to late May! (more…)

January 29, 2010

2/14

Filed under: intimacy,love,romance,sex — marriageofone @ 10:31 pm
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Two days strike fear and despondency into me: Valentines Day and my wedding anniversary.  And the former is not far off.  Last week Susan brought it up completely out of the blue.

“What would you like to do for Valentines?”, she asked.

“I don’t know.”, I said.  Because I really didn’t.  I could think of a few things but what was the point?  In all respects it was a genuine and considerate question.  It’s just that in the overall context of the reality of our marriage a day celebrating romance and sex isn’t really pertinent.  It’s not like I can ‘spoil’ her with sexy underwear or nightwear or anything of that sort – I did in the early years of marriage and experienced what can only be described as a lukewarm response. You could of course take the day as a sort of universal day of platonic friendship like when kids make “You’re my best friend” or “Be my Valentine” greeting cards in primary school. (more…)

January 27, 2010

Recent musings

Filed under: intimacy,love,marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 9:15 pm

I’ve been pretty busy lately and in the last week have had a rather bad cold so haven’t been able to write for this site.

Nevertheless I have still been musing about possible posts although I haven’t been able to ‘flesh’ them out as it were. But I don’t think I’ll get the time in the next few days even so, here is what I have so far, and I’ll leave it to you to consider what might have been or may come later: (more…)

April 28, 2009

A tale of two sessions

Filed under: intimacy,sex — marriageofone @ 9:34 pm
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I want to report something.  A few days ago Susan and I had sex.  To be accurate, a few days ago we had some intimacy.  I think she had her orgasm and then rather than reciprocate, she just… stopped.  She mumbled something about making it up to me ‘tomorrow’.

When  ‘tomorrow’  came I didn’t expect anything to happen.  When Susan says she is going to have sex ‘tomorrow’ it is not really what she INTENDS to make happen – it’s more like a feeling of what she would LIKE to make happen if she feels like it or remembers.  She just says it with the sincerity you or  I would if we really WERE going to do something tomorrow.  So nothing happened – although there were extenuating circumstances.  I carried her word through to the next day – reasonable assumption. (more…)

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