Marriage Of One

January 27, 2010

Recent musings

Filed under: intimacy,love,marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 9:15 pm

I’ve been pretty busy lately and in the last week have had a rather bad cold so haven’t been able to write for this site.

Nevertheless I have still been musing about possible posts although I haven’t been able to ‘flesh’ them out as it were. But I don’t think I’ll get the time in the next few days even so, here is what I have so far, and I’ll leave it to you to consider what might have been or may come later:

The haves and have nots

I can walk past a fancy sports car without a second glance or even wish it was mine.

I can pass a luxurious mansion or ‘executive’ home without a twinge of desire.

I do not begrudge someone that is more successful in their career than I or feel less of a man because another earns more than I.

But somehow I cannot see a couple appear to have a better relationship than I without feeling hostility, envy or begrudging their happiness.

I cannot even watch acted love or sex on TV or the movies without turning my head or averting my eyes.

What does that say about me?

When ‘Daddy’ is not enough

Friends forever


1 Comment »

  1. What your feelings say about you is that you are suppressing your anger over Susan’s lack of responsiveness to your physical desires. Couples in expressive relationships and those who act as a loving couple in the media remind you of what you lack so completely that it’s hard to take.

    I think I know you well enough to suggest that you need to lighten up on yourself regarding this deprivation you feel. You have expressed your reasons for remaining in the relationship which prevents your beginning another one. You should be feeling secure in your decision. Yet when Susan begins to act more like how you want her to – however temporarily – you freeze up and push her away with your rigidity and defensiveness rather than go with her flow. I understand how hard this is to open up to someone who has disappointed you so often, for you don’t want to let your guard down and be disappointed one more time. You don’t want to hurt, nor to feel like you’ve been played for a fool again. But even if you found yourself in a new relationship, you would have to let your guard down at some point, or else the intimate bonding you seek cannot occur.

    You have chosen to remain with Susan, and for logical reasons. I suggest that you give yourself permission to take a risk with her when she offers you an opportunity, for she is all you are going to have by your own choice. At least you know a lot about her and can – or should – be prepared for anything she might come up with. You might even enjoy yourself a little.

    I hope you can find the time to read some of the posts from our friend in Seattle, for he covers some of this in his posts. He’s more directly involved in dealing with these issues you ponder than I am at the moment. I’m sure his words will help you sort out some of this angst you feel, for he’s very thoughtful about his issues and takes care to examine his life carefully. He’s also cultivated an assortment of regulars who come up with a lot of wisdom based on their own experiences.

    Go for it, bro. I’ll check in with you soon.

    Comment by ToppHogg — February 3, 2010 @ 6:18 am

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