Marriage Of One

September 7, 2009

The Double-edged Sword

Filed under: love,marriage,sex — marriageofone @ 9:13 pm
Tags: , ,

In recent weeks I have been delighted to find a community of eloquent and similarly affected (and disaffected) members of the public to me.

They are to be found at Live in a Sexless Marriage and Husband in a Sexless Marriage. My first reaction on finding and reading some of the accounts was one of supreme relief. For much of the time I have been writing this blog I have (apart from some comments) been pretty much finding my own way through the minefield of feelings and conflicting emotions. Now here is a large number of people in similar predicaments who have helpful and sometimes a humourous angle to the lives that we have before us.

However, it is also somewhat disheartening. There are people on these communities just a year or two into their relationship, still clearly in love yet feeling the pressure growing from their partner to stop their sexual feelings. Others like me have ‘grown used’ to some or most aspects of this ‘life-style’ yet still feel the occasional pangs of pain and anguish. Yet others and for these I have the most sympathy: twenty years or more of being what I can only describe as the most cruel torture – pain from somebody whom they love and who is meant to love them.

And that is the double-edged sword. I have already started to take some comfort and humour from these sites. But I also see how this can stretch out for decades, unresolved and eventually unresolvable as I (like others before me) settle into acceptance of the torture like some kind of perverse Stockholm Syndrome.


1 Comment »

  1. You have made an interesting discovery with this cluster of sites, but I have some concern that the abundance of gripes and the lack of serious discussion about making improvements might merely reinforce some of your current issues. I’m also not too fond of the requirement to register to comment, but that is my bugaboo.

    Comment by ToppHogg — September 22, 2009 @ 2:48 am

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