Marriage Of One

August 25, 2009

Taking care of my Self

Filed under: relationships — marriageofone @ 7:02 pm
Tags: , ,

My previous post received what I can only describe as something of a rebuke from a regular reader ToppHogg. I responded to his comment, but on further reflection I fear that I have given the erroneous impression that all my efforts to help myself are actually focused on helping my relationship and even Susan. These efforts are taken I must stress with my own wellbeing uppermost; it makes my life easier to bear.

But there is more and I thought I should spell some of the other plans out.

Physically I want to get fitter and healthier. I plan therefore to make a greater effort to maintain my health, physical appearance and grooming. I used to love physical activity and exercise, but made the mistake of focusing these on Susan and her enthusiasm for my body and time spent exercising together. As it became clearer that she had no interest in either (or even her own body) I lost my motivation. Now I’m going to do it for myself.

I have already mentioned how I want to take care of my mental health and social life by taking on hobbies and joining clubs and societies. A further part of this is how I intend to care for my emotional health and well-being. I address this in part by maintaining a favourable relationship with Susan. But that does not help the immense loneliness and dispair I sometimes feel because of the lack of intimacy and even intimate conversation. It doesn’t address the sadness and frustration and sometimes even anger I feel as I consider that as a passionate man in the prime of life I have no passion or sex to enjoy now nor look forward to in the coming decades.

Marriage Of One‘ was started as my means to come to terms with this reality at least in part. I will continue to write on this website as I learn more about Susan and indeed myself and of course the relationship. I still find writing here therapeutic and I have had several avenues of thought which have come directly from readers.

But in years to come – I don’t know how many – it is almost inevitable that I will need more that writing and reading and thinking. I’m going to need something more. Eventually my need to take care of myself is probably going to require some therapy. Someone to talk to, address issues of frustration, loneliness and anger.

Whether that will be the ‘final’ step I don’t know.



  1. My “rebuke” was intended to get you to think about what you were saying, and it is now clear to me that you have done so. This post expresses a more positive attitude, one which doesn’t in any way involve breaking up with Susan or destroying your family – things you would understandably use to sabotage yourself if you weren’t thinking. It looks to me that you know that you can move on with your personal development and not have to replace your relationships doing so.

    I suspect that your Sir Galahad streak is something you will have to be aware of for the rest of your life, but at least you are noticing that there are rust spots on the armor.

    Comment by ToppHogg — September 7, 2009 @ 9:37 am

  2. […] life at the moment is particularly awkward: if you remember I made a pact with myself to work on my SELF not so long ago.  That was contingent on the upcoming move (which was at that time imminent). […]

    Pingback by January Resolutions « Marriage Of One — January 4, 2010 @ 10:33 pm

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