Marriage Of One

April 28, 2009

A tale of two sessions

Filed under: intimacy,sex — marriageofone @ 9:34 pm
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I want to report something.  A few days ago Susan and I had sex.  To be accurate, a few days ago we had some intimacy.  I think she had her orgasm and then rather than reciprocate, she just… stopped.  She mumbled something about making it up to me ‘tomorrow’.

When  ‘tomorrow’  came I didn’t expect anything to happen.  When Susan says she is going to have sex ‘tomorrow’ it is not really what she INTENDS to make happen – it’s more like a feeling of what she would LIKE to make happen if she feels like it or remembers.  She just says it with the sincerity you or  I would if we really WERE going to do something tomorrow.  So nothing happened – although there were extenuating circumstances.  I carried her word through to the next day – reasonable assumption.

I don’t like assumptions – they lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings and misplaced expectations.  But they unfortunately are where we live our lives – seeing as talk about sex is completely gone.  We just ‘do it’ and don’t mention it.  Not before or after and often only barely just during.

So on the second night after the initial session I was due my ‘turn’ I once again wasn’t really expecting her to deliver.  But then I did something crazy.  I initiated sex with my wife.  And she let it happen.  And although she didn’t lie back and think of England she did only the minimum.  And although I went all the way it didn’t feel even half as satisfying as the one she initiated a two days before.  Why? Because she was a willing and full participant then.

Maybe it was because it was quite late.  Or maybe because she had her sexual kick just two day before and not two months which is her usual ‘build-up’.  Or maybe I just don’t know how to make love to my wife anymore.

But I won’t be initiating again.  I think we need to talk sex first.  Maybe it is now set in my mind that I am the ‘junior’ partner in this relationship.  I find it offputting that my efforts are just being tolerated rather than accepted and reciprocated.

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