Marriage Of One

March 24, 2009

If in doubt…

Filed under: marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 8:38 pm
Tags: , , ,

Today was one of those rare days when for some reason I felt a bit more introspective than usual and started to doubt my strategy – if you can call it that.

I mean really the way that I have chosen to live and cope with my awkward sexual relationship with my otherwise excellent friend Susan, my wife.  It is not really a strategy – that would imply that I have some kind of objective or goal, which I don’t.

Anyway back to the introspection.  On the drive to work I found myself wondering if my situation is self-inflicted.  So if our ‘average’ sexual frequency is once every 2 or 3 months, what is to stop me from demanding sex or just ‘helping myself’ once every week – which is roughly how I think it should be?

And the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to me to be a logical thing to do.  Susan would nowadays never dare to hold me back, or say no to anything I wanted to do.  On the contrary she would pretty much let me ‘have my way’.  And there is the rub.

To all intents and purposes she would just lie there and ‘think of England’.  I know because way back in the past I have tried this.  Having sex with someone and GETTING sex FROM someone are two very different things.  And the latter is what I want from Susan.

I want her to recognise me as a sexual being and appreciate what it is to have a sexual relationship with GIVE and TAKE.  I can’t bring myself to have sex with an unwilling partner – even if the consent is implicit by her not shoving me away.

I need her to talk about sex, to contribute to the sexual relationship with ideas and feelings and to do things outside of her own comfort zone because she recognises that it would mean something to me.

And so after mulling it over during the day, on my journey home I came to the conclusion that I am right to live this way.  This is not about me getting my way.  It is about making this a Marriage Of Two.

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1 Comment »

  1. I have had all of these thoughts (still do occasionally), and come to all of the same conclusions. Sex is a dialog- a sequence of giving and accepting what is given by both sides. I often feel like a sexual predator in just attempting to initiate sexual intimacy.

    Comment by ManInABox — November 25, 2009 @ 4:02 pm


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