Marriage Of One

March 4, 2009

First Date

Filed under: marriage,relationships — marriageofone @ 10:25 pm
Tags: , ,

I’ve just come back from a ‘date’.  It is the first one in many many months.  What with work and the kids and putting them to bed and then arranging baby-sitting we have both been neglecting this for quite a while.

So this weekend I primed my parents for a once-a-week baby sitting session to allow Susan and I to go out for a coffee or dessert after the children are in bed.

We used to go out together (although not every week) a couple of years ago.  It didn’t make any difference to our sex life but we did occasionally talk about it.  Usually we talked about the children, or other family or social matters.  Basically we talked.

Nowadays we barely talk. And that has alarmed me.

My relationship from Susan you have probably realised has drifted away from a husband-wife one to one purely based on the partnership of running the house and a close friendship bonded by the task of raising our children.  Basically, our kids keep us together.

Okay, so over the last few weeks I’ve started to notice that even this aspect is becoming strained.  It was of course inevitable and I never doubted that it would happen.  No marriage as unbalanced as ours can survive indefinitely.  The question really is what I should do about it.

I could just let it happen.  Let the friendship fail.  Let the partnership fail.  But what does this leave me with?  What does it leave my children with?

If our marriage is to stand any chance of becoming a proper marriage it needs some foundation upon which everything that may (or may not) can be built upon.  With nothing like passion or sex or even the desire to communicate intimately, few common interests, the only thing we have is our commitment to the partnership and the friendship we have around this.

So these dates are not about revamping the relationship to even approach a normal healthy marriage.  I have no hope on that – nor the desire to try, having failed so often.  I am just shoring up what we have, strengthening the last defences as it were from the approaching floodwaters.

Today’s date was quite short; just a coffee nearby.  A few moments of silence and a bit of a chat about our plans for the coming year.  We are intending to move house this year and it promises to be quite stressful, and I think it is going to really test the remaining aspects of our relationship.  As long as we keep to these dates hopefully we’ll talk through the issues and weather the storm and achieve our objective for the year.

EDIT (5 March): I thought I would just add, that shortly after this entry I was pleasantly surprised by a rather nice ‘rainfall’!  Susan did make a bit of an effort and I did enjoy it (and I think she did too).  That’s sex twice within the last 4 weeks.

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1 Comment »

  1. cheers to rain 🙂

    Comment by Rachel — March 9, 2009 @ 2:29 pm


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