Marriage Of One

January 28, 2009

A Sign of Hope

Filed under: marriage,relationships,sex — marriageofone @ 9:27 pm

No, I’m not getting my hopes up, but this is the first time ever if I were to be hopeful, that there is good reason for it.

Susan’s appointment happened at the local hospital.  What happened appears to have been some kind of preliminary groundwork: she had to have a blood test and a swab was taken to check for infections.  Neither of these are expected by us to yeild anything: we both know that she is healthy.  I guess they may find she is low on testosterone.

The next step is to refer her onwards (having checked for physical issues) for therapy. 

Before this can happen, I have to be physically tested too.  And there is a possibility (quite high) that I’ll have to participate in the psychotherapy too.  And whilst I’m not against it, I have to be honest: I was planning to resist it.

My reasoning was that I needed to see some determination and improvement in Susan’s attitude before I started to contribute any of my emotional energy and time (and getting my hopes up).  I wanted to see what she made of her sessions with a counselor, what she spoke about when she came home, whether she did any exercises prescribed and whether she showed any sexual interest.

But now I feel sorry for her.  I know I shouldn’t – not after what she has done to me and our marriage.  Eight years!  She should have been doing this 6 or 7 years ago!  But still, I know how hard it has been for her just to go to the GP, just to have these tests done.

My physical tests are tomorrow – probably just  a blood test.  I don’t know when the therapy will start or what format they’ll take.  Perhaps I won’t even be involved initially.

By the way, I’ve now published The First Year.

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