A few days ago my youngest daughter finally learnt how to kiss. The most gentle, wet and sloppy kiss with an exaggerated ‘mmwaa’ to accompany it.
And seeing the pleasure on her face as I glowed with pride was priceless.
Since then every morning and evening that must be the highlight of my day. I hold her up and her warm little hands cup my face as she turns my head so she can lean onto my cheek.
Priceless. This is what makes it worthwhile.
A few days ago my youngest daughter finally learnt how to kiss. The most gentle, wet and sloppy kiss with an exaggerated ‘mm…waa!’ to accompany it.
And seeing the pleasure on her face as I glowed with pride was and remains, priceless.
Since then every morning and evening these have been the twin highlights of my day. I hold her up and her warm little hands cup my face as she turns my head so she can lean onto my cheek.
This is what makes it worthwhile.
I don’t really like bellicose language, but I thought this was somehow apt.
Just over two years ago Susan and I moved to our current home with hopes of turning our lives around. A large part of this turnaround was to do with our sex lives as Susan believed that our sexual problems were to do with our home environment where we used to live.
Well as regular readers of this blog already know, this was and remains a failure in the sense that we did not turn our sex-life around. It has not been a complete failure of course in that I got the proof that I would not have otherwise: Susan is the cause of her own sexual problems – even if only subconsciously. She even accepts this.
Where we differ is what she ought to do about it. All I know is that there is nothing that I can do to help her or us. I can only help myself. (more…)
In recent weeks I have been delighted to find a community of eloquent and similarly affected (and disaffected) members of the public to me.
They are to be found at Live in a Sexless Marriage and Husband in a Sexless Marriage. My first reaction on finding and reading some of the accounts was one of supreme relief. For much of the time I have been writing this blog I have (apart from some comments) been pretty much finding my own way through the minefield of feelings and conflicting emotions. Now here is a large number of people in similar predicaments who have helpful and sometimes a humourous angle to the lives that we have before us. (more…)
My previous post received what I can only describe as something of a rebuke from a regular reader ToppHogg. I responded to his comment, but on further reflection I fear that I have given the erroneous impression that all my efforts to help myself are actually focused on helping my relationship and even Susan. These efforts are taken I must stress with my own wellbeing uppermost; it makes my life easier to bear.
But there is more and I thought I should spell some of the other plans out. (more…)
In one of my recent posts I pointed out that the one thing I have remaining is to “take care of myself”. This is not as selfish or narcissistic as it might appear: I have children I want to watch grow and I have to remain fit and mentally and emotionally ‘useful’ to them. Finally, if I can find hapiness within my own life outside of my marriage – perhaps, just perhaps – as a byproduct of that – my wife might find a renewed interest in me and what I have to offer her. At the very least it will bolster the friendship angle of our relationship as that is pretty much all we have left.
So here goes and I’ll try to make this entry brief even though it actually needs to cover a fair bit. (more…)
Over the last few months I’ve come to the conclusion that Susan is asexual.
I can’t prove it. I’m not a therapist, psychologist or doctor. But all the evidence I have points to that. If she is not asexual then it would suggest that she is maliciously tearing the fabric of our marriage. How else can you explain her inaction? (more…)
It has been a long while but this is the first time I have been able to devote any length of time to writing about what has happened. This entry has been put together over a few weeks actually.
A few days after Susan broke the astonishing news that she was quitting therapy, she said she wanted to talk. We sat on the bed, she had surrounded herself with a few of the sex manuals she had bought for our wedding night nearly 9 years ago. She wanted to get right to talking about restarting our sex-life. Her method was to use the books and pick things to try out from them (not right away of course).
I wasn’t impressed. I needed answers. Although the decision to get help was hers, I felt that the least she could have done is asked me before she had terminated her sessions with Marcia. Especially as she had pretty much involved me along the way. So my first question was why she had done that. (more…)
I’ve just this moment finished the final two articles that describe my marriage leading up to the start of the “Marriage Of One” website.
These are
The Later Years – which describes what happened around and after we had our first child.
The Last Step – which is about my last ditch attempt to salvage my marriage and sex-life.
As always comments are enabled and welcome.
This may sound paranoid and cynical but I don’t think Marcia is totally innocent of Susan’s failure to capitalise on her counselling sessions.
Why did she feel that she needed to keep asking Susan whether she wanted to continue the sessions? Unless she wanted to give Susan – who would obviously be finding the introspection quite difficult and would be looking for an escape route – a ‘get out of jail card’.
From the start Marcia seemed to be attributing Susan’s behaviour and sexuality on Susan’s life as a mother rather than her life as a wife or woman or teenager, neglecting even the 5 years before she became a mother. First it was how tiring it must be to be a mother. Then that perhaps she had post-natal depression.
And I think Marcia kept returning to this because she did not want to continue to work with Susan. I think she thought that she saw a lost cause and didn’t want to waste her time. (more…)
This needs to be a long and detailed entry. Unfortunately I am absolutely snowed under with work at present so I’ll share the details in a few days hopefully. I may even have a bit more information then.
A few days ago Susan went for her fortnightly counselling session with Marcia. We couldn’t talk through the day and last thing at night she chose to speak about it – after I asked.
What she said made my stomach turn. She is quitting her sessions with Marcia. I asked why. She said she “couldn’t see what she could do for [her]“. I was stunned really. So I asked “Well, what was your expectation from her?”
And I couldn’t get a straight answer. Susan’s confusion over her sexuality and expectations just didn’t allow her to say anything except sentences prefixed or suffixed with “I don’t know”.
I’m trying to understand, I said to her, why after months of waiting for these sessions you chose to end them after just 3 sessions.
I still am. To my mind (although this is of course ‘hearsay’) Marcia’s approach may be somewhat to blame. As I say, more detail to come.
